1
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:15,520
VTR Thames 5390, part one, take one.

2
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,850
Look at this.

3
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,240
It's Trevor's blasted dog again.

4
00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:25,390
Trevor!

5
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:26,850
Trevor!

6
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,780
Hello, Sid. Never mind hello, Sid. Look
at these.

7
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,720
Oh, very nice, Sid. Where did you buy
them?

8
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,880
I didn't buy them. I grew them.

9
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,440
Really? Well done, Sid. Oh, shut up.

10
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,540
It's your bloody dog again, isn't it?

11
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:45,640
He's dug up all my dahlias, piddled on
my pansies.

12
00:01:45,641 --> 00:01:49,909
He left me with a blooming garden full
of buttonholes.

13
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:50,960
Oh, I am sorry, Sid.

14
00:01:51,450 --> 00:01:52,890
I'll just have to tie her up.

15
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,220
Hang her up.

16
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,649
Are you Sid?

17
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,880
Yes. Did you ask Jean if you could go
fishing?

18
00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:04,700
I don't have to ask Jean if I want to go
fishing, mate.

19
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:08,089
I'm the governor, you know. If I want to
go fishing, I go fishing. You're right,

20
00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:09,170
Sid. You're dead right.

21
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:14,129
I mean, what kind of a man would I be if
I had to ask Jean all the time I wanted

22
00:02:14,130 --> 00:02:16,829
to do something? You are right, Sid.
You're absolutely right.

23
00:02:16,830 --> 00:02:18,390
So when are you going to ask her?

24
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,440
Sooner or later.

25
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,369
Do you ask Betty?

26
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:25,569
Well, like you say, see, the man has got
to be boss. I just bowled right in and

27
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:26,189
asked her.

28
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What's she say? No.

29
00:02:27,241 --> 00:02:31,729
Yeah, well, we always get a no first,
don't we? I mean, I don't expect a yes

30
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,050
till I'm packing the worms.

31
00:02:33,051 --> 00:02:35,569
Mind you, I didn't leave it at that. Oh,
no.

32
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:39,189
Listen, I said, me and shit is going
fishing and that is that. You're not

33
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:40,949
spoiling my pleasure. And what happened?

34
00:02:40,950 --> 00:02:43,060
That night she slept in the spare
bedroom.

35
00:02:43,710 --> 00:02:46,780
Well, it saves her going to the family
planning, doesn't it?

36
00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:51,459
Still, we made it up since I'd done the
washing and the ironing, you know, and a

37
00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:52,139
bit of shopping.

38
00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:53,079
So she's back then?

39
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:53,779
Oh, yeah.

40
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,520
No, I haven't got the bloody energy.

41
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,220
Hey, Deb, give her those.

42
00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:04,830
Come on, you two.

43
00:03:04,831 --> 00:03:08,919
Get your feet up there and move all
these things. I want everywhere clean

44
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,880
tidy. Grandad's coming for the weekend.

45
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,460
Oh, no. Oh, that's very nice, isn't it?
Your own grandad.

46
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,750
Well, you know what it'll be like,
Mummy.

47
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,550
Turn those records off. Get that rubbish
off your face.

48
00:03:20,551 --> 00:03:22,659
Put your skirt down. I can see your
bottoms.

49
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:27,320
It wouldn't harm you to remember that
when he was your age, ankles were

50
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:30,190
You had to get married to find out about
bottoms.

51
00:03:30,191 --> 00:03:34,299
You're not going to put that camp bed in
my room again, are you? Yes, we are

52
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,980
putting that camp bed in your room.

53
00:03:35,981 --> 00:03:37,799
Well, why can't he sleep down here?

54
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,880
Sleep down here?

55
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,600
You make me laugh, you kids.

56
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,540
You go around screaming, make love, not
war.

57
00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:45,900
Along comes one...

58
00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:50,599
Mum's right, Mike.

59
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,980
We'll be on our tails one day.

60
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,900
Well, don't do me any favours.

61
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:57,130
Well, who's not doing anybody any
favours? Your children.

62
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,530
What have they done?

63
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:01,839
I told them that Grandad's coming
tomorrow for the weekend. They've done

64
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,890
but moan.

65
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:04,610
Have they?

66
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:11,779
So, what's wrong with Grandad coming for
the weekend?

67
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:13,180
Nothing. I suppose.

68
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:16,139
What's wrong with Grandad coming for the
weekend?

69
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,420
Nothing. I suppose.

70
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:19,720
What's wrong with Grant? Oh.

71
00:04:19,721 --> 00:04:25,139
Well, I mean, you make me laugh, you
kids. I mean, you go around screaming,

72
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:29,839
love, not war. And along comes one poor
little old man and you... I've said all

73
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:30,599
that, Sid.

74
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,650
Have you?

75
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,280
Ah, well, subject's closed.

76
00:04:33,281 --> 00:04:39,279
You'll be old yourselves one day, innit?
I've said all that, Daddy.

77
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,330
Yes? Yes.

78
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,030
Well, then we'll have no more
complaints.

79
00:04:43,031 --> 00:04:46,519
You are going to be very happy with
Grandad here for the weekend.

80
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,879
And you're going to be very happy with
Grandad for the weekend. And you're

81
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,320
to be very happy with Grandad.

82
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,120
And I'm going fishing.

83
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,760
Just a minute.

84
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,050
You're going where?

85
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,330
Fishing.

86
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,840
You didn't tell me that.

87
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:03,659
Well, no, I thought I'd say it as a sort
of surprise.

88
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,760
Well, I've got a surprise for you. Yes?

89
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,250
You're not going.

90
00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:11,250
Now, just a minute. Since when are you
wearing the trousers in this house?

91
00:05:11,251 --> 00:05:14,199
Now, you let me tell you something. You
can just unhitch your little braces and

92
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,280
go back to the panties.

93
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,080
Because I am the governor and I am going
fishing.

94
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,690
I see.

95
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,380
So nobody wants him.

96
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:25,360
I mean, we don't know this time next
year. He may not be with us.

97
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,610
What are you talking about, may not be
with us?

98
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,380
He is 70, you know.

99
00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:31,619
So what?

100
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:32,940
Plum, he'll outlive us all.

101
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,280
I think he's got two of everything.

102
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,280
Have you seen the way he eats?

103
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,580
I think he's got one stomach and one
reserve tank.

104
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,450
Somebody's got to cook for him, haven't
they?

105
00:05:45,451 --> 00:05:48,729
Somebody's got to talk to him, don't
they?

106
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:52,129
And somebody's got to amuse him, don't
they? Well, that's all right. Sally can

107
00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:52,889
talk to him.

108
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:55,840
He can get all the amusement he wants by
just looking at him.

109
00:05:55,841 --> 00:05:59,929
I've got so much to do. I'm going to the
pictures tonight and I'm playing tennis

110
00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:02,089
tomorrow and there's a disco and
everything.

111
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:05,629
Yeah, right on. I've got some very heavy
scenes this weekend, Dan. I'm going to

112
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:08,889
the party tonight and tomorrow we figure
we go round the clubs and see what the

113
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,470
score was, do you? Yes, I dig.

114
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:15,209
Marvellous, isn't it? They can't put
themselves out for their grandfather.

115
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:18,089
When you two have kids, what's going to
happen? And I'm a grandfather, and I

116
00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:19,029
come out for the weekend.

117
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,080
I'll go fishing, Dad.

118
00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:26,990
I gather from this conversation that
nobody cares about me, then.

119
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:31,049
Oh, don't be silly, Mum. We're just a
normal, healthy little family doing

120
00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:32,610
normal, healthy little things.

121
00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:36,320
I suppose staying in to look after my
old dad is abnormal and unhealthy.

122
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:37,840
I didn't say that.

123
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:42,470
Staying in to look after your old dad is
kind and unselfish and a drag.

124
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:43,950
Now, just a minute.

125
00:06:43,951 --> 00:06:47,339
We're talking about your mother's
father, so we'll have a little more

126
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,390
if you don't mind.

127
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:49,399
I'm sorry.

128
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,450
I should think so.

129
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:54,840
What time's the old drag... What time's
Grandad coming?

130
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,550
Tomorrow afternoon.

131
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,660
Oh, good. Well, I'll be gone by then.

132
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,230
It's all arranged.

133
00:07:00,231 --> 00:07:03,079
By that time, Trevor and I will be
coming back from the river, staggering

134
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,620
our load of marvellous fish.

135
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,720
You'll be staggering, all right.

136
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,180
Out of the angler's arms.

137
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,550
No, we won't.

138
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,900
We're staying in there.

139
00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:16,239
Father. Look, there's a lot of whiskey
there, and there's plenty more in the

140
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,070
cupboard. Just give him the key, and he
won't even miss me.

141
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:29,699
Why I'm doing

142
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,020
this for you, I don't know.

143
00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:34,139
Well, you wouldn't like to see me
starving and freezing on a riverbank,

144
00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:35,190
you? Yeah.

145
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,620
What kind of sandwiches are they?

146
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:39,750
Tomato. Oh.

147
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:41,940
I hate tomato sandwiches.

148
00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:43,540
I know.

149
00:07:43,541 --> 00:07:46,929
Of course, you're keeping a ham for
Grandad.

150
00:07:46,930 --> 00:07:47,729
That's right.

151
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:49,049
Yes, I thought so. What's in here?

152
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:49,929
Ginger cake.

153
00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:51,490
Oh, come on, the ginger cake.

154
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,450
You know I don't like ginger cake.

155
00:07:53,710 --> 00:07:54,760
Yes.

156
00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:55,860
And there's your tea.

157
00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:57,690
Tea? I asked for soup.

158
00:07:58,230 --> 00:07:59,350
You're having tea.

159
00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:02,810
Good job you like fishing, isn't it?

160
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:10,269
I've been reasonable, darling. I mean, I
can't disappoint Trevor now. Who's

161
00:08:10,270 --> 00:08:11,129
going to go with him?

162
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:12,180
Betty.

163
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,100
He's a day early. He's punch drunk.

164
00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:19,430
Hello,

165
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,080
Dad. How are you?

166
00:08:22,380 --> 00:08:26,499
Fine, fine. Hello, Dad. It's nice to see
you. How are you getting on? Looks very

167
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:27,550
well.

168
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,090
Where are you going?

169
00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:33,499
He's not going anywhere.

170
00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:36,329
Fancy you thinking he'd do that with you
here.

171
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,670
I thought you were going to put out a
fire.

172
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,280
Lovely to see you, Grandad.

173
00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:44,220
What's all that stuff on your eyes?

174
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:45,530
It's only... eyeshadow.

175
00:08:45,531 --> 00:08:47,949
Your grandmother never wore that
rubbish.

176
00:08:47,950 --> 00:08:51,169
What you'd really like is a nice cup of
tea. Now, why don't you come and sit

177
00:08:51,170 --> 00:08:53,630
down? I can manage. I can manage.

178
00:08:57,341 --> 00:08:58,849
Thank

179
00:08:58,850 --> 00:09:06,669
God

180
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:07,720
he made it.

181
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,550
Getting up's the hard bit.

182
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:14,719
I've got to tell you, Grandad phoned and
he said he's not coming tomorrow, he's

183
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,860
coming today. He's here.

184
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,090
Hello, Grandad.

185
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,540
Goes to the same school as you, does
she?

186
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,060
It's Mike, Grandad.

187
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:26,770
Mike?

188
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:28,880
He's wearing beads.

189
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,210
Is he all right?

190
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:32,390
We're not sure.

191
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,150
Sid!

192
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,000
I'll go and make the tea. Sid, you keep
Grandad company. Yes.

193
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,000
Sally, keep Grandad company.

194
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:42,820
Mike? Keep Grandad company.

195
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:45,810
Here, Grandad.

196
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,430
How about a nice magazine to keep you
company?

197
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,260
He's got no clothes on.

198
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:53,059
Well, it's an art magazine. You know
what I mean, Grandad?

199
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,120
Art. It's rude.

200
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:55,810
Oh, boy.

201
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,340
Try a newspaper, Grandad. Read the
newspaper.

202
00:09:58,341 --> 00:10:04,379
Well, there's no point in me hanging
around, is there? I've seen him, and

203
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:05,460
had a nice little chat.

204
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:07,580
You call that a nice little chat, dear?

205
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,190
Hello, Dad.

206
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,840
Followed by a grunt and a nod.

207
00:10:11,969 --> 00:10:13,019
Hello, Gene.

208
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,230
You ready, Vincent?

209
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:16,560
Yes.

210
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:18,280
Come here, mate.

211
00:10:18,281 --> 00:10:23,829
If you've got something to say, why
don't you say it instead of sitting

212
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,270
like a demented tic -tac man?

213
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,730
It's just a Myron Trevor sweater.

214
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:30,770
Yeah. Do you like it, Gene?

215
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,160
Betty knitted it.

216
00:10:32,570 --> 00:10:34,970
Lovely. You look like an hors d 'oeuvre
trolley.

217
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:39,440
There's your food.

218
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,290
There are your worms.

219
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:43,210
Have a good time.

220
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,350
Thank you.

221
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,420
Betty was pleased and all.

222
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:50,599
Yes, well, I'd better go and say goodbye
to the old man.

223
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,060
It's Betty, it's Jean's dad, you know,
he's here with us. Oh, nice.

224
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,870
Well, I'll see you in the cardings. Yes,
all right. I'll be lost.

225
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,540
I don't know how you can do it.

226
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,020
My only father.

227
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:06,230
If I didn't have my father, you wouldn't
have me. Then where would you be?

228
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:07,970
Fishing.

229
00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:12,190
Selfish?

230
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:13,750
Selfish? Me?

231
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,050
What about him?

232
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,919
Do you remember the last time he came?
He arrived at six, stuffed himself full

233
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,780
and lost till seven, and then kipped for
48 solid hours.

234
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,540
Talk about the lost weekend.

235
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:30,540
Go on, criticise him, say rotten things
about him, break an old man's heart.

236
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:32,740
Oh, go blimey, it's Lady Macbeth again.

237
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,260
Hello again, matey. All right, then?

238
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:39,590
Lovely day.

239
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,010
Is this right for a bit of fishing?

240
00:11:44,690 --> 00:11:45,830
Would you like a drink?

241
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:48,370
Would you like a drink?

242
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:51,180
I'll get you one.

243
00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:53,529
There we are.

244
00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:54,670
This will get you going.

245
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:57,820
There you go.

246
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:06,260
Looking very well.

247
00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:10,660
You look marvellous, I must say. All
those roses in your cheeks.

248
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,690
You've been at the yoga again, have you?

249
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:16,780
Jane.

250
00:12:16,810 --> 00:12:19,940
Mike, you know, stands on his head and
he's off for hours, he is.

251
00:12:19,941 --> 00:12:22,529
Does the lotus position. Have you tried
the lotus position?

252
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:25,110
You know, when you... Jane.

253
00:12:26,881 --> 00:12:32,929
He just, he won't open his mouth. He's
sitting there like a little plastic

254
00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:33,980
gnome.

255
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:35,600
Dad?

256
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:37,639
He'd give me the willies, you know that?

257
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,380
I think Rick Amortis is setting him.

258
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:41,660
Dad, are you all right?

259
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,200
Of course he's all right.

260
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,260
It's just in the pre -kip stage.

261
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,090
Chuck him aside, the beef will be all
right.

262
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,020
You've upset him.

263
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:52,310
Upset him?

264
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,540
How can I have upset him? He must have
heard what you said.

265
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:56,899
What did I say?

266
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,080
You said he was selfish.

267
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,020
Now he thinks you don't like him.

268
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,390
Don't like him?

269
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,300
Of course I like him. I love him.

270
00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:07,339
He's my father. Father -in -law, ain't
he? He's the best father -in -law I've

271
00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:08,179
got, eh?

272
00:13:08,180 --> 00:13:09,230
Ain't he?

273
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,720
All right, then?

274
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,260
Your fishing friend wants you.

275
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,300
Hey, look, here, quick, he's moving.

276
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,500
You've forgotten this.

277
00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:17,710
Thank you.

278
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,210
Have a nice weekend.

279
00:13:19,211 --> 00:13:22,939
Oh, blimey, be reasonable, darling.
Look, he couldn't care less if I was

280
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:25,230
not. Where shall I let him spoil my
pleasures?

281
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:27,180
He can't, but I can.

282
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:28,970
What do you mean?

283
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:32,220
When you get home, you'll find our
bedroom door locked.

284
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:40,080
sleep in the garage garage with your
fishing tackle

285
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:20,360
You enjoy that, then?

286
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:26,120
Look, I've put my fishing trip off for
him. What more does he want?

287
00:14:26,121 --> 00:14:29,099
You put off your fishing trip because I
said I'd lost the boat. Thank you,

288
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:32,980
darling. It's a very good book. It's
angling our boat. Thanks for the meal,

289
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,050
Hang on, Mike. I'm coming. Good tips on
fishing. Thanks, Mum.

290
00:14:36,051 --> 00:14:38,179
I'm just going to the shops before they
close.

291
00:14:38,180 --> 00:14:39,230
Won't be long, Dad.

292
00:14:39,231 --> 00:14:41,619
See that? That's a pike, eh? We're going
now, Dad.

293
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:42,670
Bye. Yeah, goodbye.

294
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,890
Bye. Goodbye.

295
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,830
It's a load of rubbish, isn't it, all
this allow -goodbye business?

296
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,860
I mean, why can't people just come and
go and say nothing?

297
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,610
Eh?

298
00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,270
Yes.

299
00:15:00,140 --> 00:15:04,699
I mean, you know, people... Funny thing,
human beings, because they think just

300
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,110
because they've got a mouth, they have
to use it.

301
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,690
Silence is golden. That's what
Shakespeare said.

302
00:15:12,020 --> 00:15:16,059
If only people would realise the fact
that silence is a beautiful, peaceful

303
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:19,700
thing. Then why don't you shut up?
Because I can't stand it.

304
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:24,619
It won't be long. Look after Dad for me.
I thought he usually nodded off after

305
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:25,670
his dinner.

306
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,970
Usually. But he didn't eat his dinner,
did he?

307
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:29,030
Bye.

308
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,080
Yeah. Oh, she goes again. Bye.

309
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:39,140
Have some coffee.

310
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:41,610
Just nod if you want.

311
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:44,860
Knock on the table or something.

312
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,040
You don't have to speak to me, you know.

313
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,620
I'm a very, very patient, understanding
man. Oh, yes.

314
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,430
I'm not the sort of fellow that lets
little things upset me.

315
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:56,670
Shut up.

316
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:00,510
That's better.

317
00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:04,059
Signs of life. Here we are. We'll have a
little chat in a minute. A bit of a

318
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,110
sing -song.

319
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,410
Did you see that?

320
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,030
Could have been really nasty, that, you
know?

321
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:24,020
Here, I'll tell you what.

322
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:27,360
I've got a couple of homemade bottles of
wine in the greenhouse.

323
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:32,199
I keep them in the greenhouse because
Jean doesn't like me making it, you see.

324
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,499
You know what? Because the last time I
made one, I took one to the office to

325
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,550
celebrate.

326
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,120
I drove all the way from Shepherd's
Bush, 18 miles, in reverse.

327
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,840
I'm flogging a dead horse here.

328
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,380
Look, I'll get a bottle anyway.

329
00:16:51,381 --> 00:16:54,859
You have one taste of this, matey,
you'll have to open your mouth just to

330
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:55,910
breathe.

331
00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,640
Mum! Dad!

332
00:17:00,121 --> 00:17:02,419
Grandad's in the kitchen.

333
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,159
Oh, Dad must have gone fishing after
all.

334
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,080
Yeah, Mum's probably gone to the shops.

335
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:07,960
He's sitting in there all on his own.

336
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:09,230
Poor old man.

337
00:17:09,231 --> 00:17:12,059
Well, look, I tell you what, we'll take
him to the movies. You write a note and

338
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:13,500
let him know where we've gone.

339
00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:20,358
Come on, Grandad, get it on. You can't
sit there all night looking miserable.

340
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,180
Come on, it'll do you good, really.

341
00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:25,890
It's no use, Mike. I thought it wouldn't
work.

342
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,730
Listen, Grandad, we'd really dig to take
you on it, wouldn't we, Sal?

343
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:31,780
Oh, yes, we really would, Grandad.

344
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:33,939
Oh, well, there you go. I've tried.
Let's split.

345
00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:34,990
You don't want me.

346
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,840
Nobody wants an old man.

347
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:38,970
Oh, what?

348
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:41,000
Come on, Grandad, up you get.

349
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,659
We'll have to hurry. The picture's dark
in 20 minutes.

350
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:47,419
Listen, you'll really dig it, Grandad.
Honestly, it's a really juicy movie.

351
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:49,240
a double act. Why didn't you say so?

352
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,450
Come on.

353
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:59,080
Isn't the one where Marlene Dietrich
dresses up as a man and sings that song?

354
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,540
Here we go. Where's me cap?

355
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,200
I can't catch cold, you know.

356
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:10,870
Grandad?

357
00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:33,909
I'm looking for Grandad. He's gone.

358
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,050
Gone? Where's he gone?

359
00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:36,129
He's gone.

360
00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:37,930
What have you done with my dad?

361
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:39,870
Nothing. I... Dad?

362
00:18:41,890 --> 00:18:42,940
Dad?

363
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:46,380
Dad?

364
00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:53,770
I think, sir, we've lost a grandfather.

365
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:55,260
Yes. Yes.

366
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:56,790
And where was he last seen?

367
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,350
On a kitchen chair.

368
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:04,010
And a kitchen chair.

369
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:08,350
Description? Green with four legs and a
walking boot.

370
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:14,430
Description of person, madam?

371
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:15,780
Crummy.

372
00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:18,630
My father is not crummy.

373
00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:19,920
He's small.

374
00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:23,909
And he was wearing a nice cap and a nice
jacket with leather patches on the

375
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,050
elbows. And it's crummy.

376
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:29,889
My father's an old -age pensioner. He
doesn't have much money. If you gave me

377
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:31,450
more money, I could buy him...

378
00:19:31,451 --> 00:19:35,799
You were not asked to give him money to
keep your old... Just a moment, sir.

379
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,839
Yes, ma 'am.

380
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:41,639
Madam, can you give me any information
as to the state of his mind at the time

381
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,690
of disappearance?

382
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,090
He was unhappy.

383
00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:48,370
Can you give me any information as to
why he was unhappy?

384
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,530
Him.

385
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,950
Can you, sir, give me any information as
to why you caused his unhappiness?

386
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:56,770
Her.

387
00:19:58,391 --> 00:20:05,119
We've had your family with us. Yeah, but
they're not crummy, you know. We may

388
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,520
not ever, ever see him again.

389
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:07,830
I should be so lucky.

390
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:09,650
Excuse me, madam.

391
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,490
Sir. Yes.

392
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:15,410
Can you possibly remember the last thing
he said before he disappeared?

393
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,770
Hello.

394
00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:18,839
Hello, sir.

395
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,040
No, no, no, no. He said hello and then
he went.

396
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:23,930
I see.

397
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,939
Would you mind going through all that
again, sir?

398
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,879
No, no, not at all. Come on, help
yourself.

399
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:29,930
Small. Yes.

400
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,310
Unhappy. Very.

401
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:32,940
Last seen on kitchen chair.

402
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,210
Okay.

403
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,640
Said hello and then went.

404
00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:40,830
That's what I've been trying to tell
you. Haven't you written it down?

405
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,060
Come on in, Grandad. In you come.

406
00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:49,819
Will you be all right if we go out
again, Grandad? Mummy should be back

407
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:52,079
She's probably gone next door to have a
chat with Betty.

408
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,879
They always have a down -with -marriage
meeting when the men go fishing.

409
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:55,930
Don't worry about me.

410
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:57,190
I'll be all right.

411
00:20:57,191 --> 00:20:58,809
Well, I'll tell you what, Grandad.

412
00:20:58,810 --> 00:21:00,449
What about a little drink before we go?

413
00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:03,760
Oh, that's a good idea. I have some of
your father's homemade stuff.

414
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:07,249
I'm sorry about that, Grandad, but he
doesn't make it anymore. You see, Mum

415
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,529
banned it. What about a drop of scotch
instead?

416
00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:10,910
No, I won't, Father.

417
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:14,680
All right, off you go, off you go. All
right, Grandad, see you later.

418
00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:16,730
Ta -ra, Grandad, look after yourself.

419
00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:23,410
Now, where did he say it was?

420
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:25,580
In the greenhouse.

421
00:21:26,270 --> 00:21:27,950
That's it, the greenhouse.

422
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,110
I mean, don't keep on about it. It's not
as though we've lost anything valuable.

423
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,080
My father not valuable?

424
00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:48,559
No, no, I don't mean that. I mean, if he
was made of solid gold and was crested

425
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,580
over with diamonds, we'd never find him
again, would we? But he's an old man.

426
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,980
Who would want to steal an old man,
apart from an old woman?

427
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,940
He's been gone four hours.

428
00:21:59,820 --> 00:22:00,870
Oh, look.

429
00:22:00,871 --> 00:22:01,739
Now what?

430
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:02,790
His slippers.

431
00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:03,870
They're my slippers.

432
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:08,380
worn them? He was wearing them. Sally
wears them. Everybody wears them but me.

433
00:22:08,490 --> 00:22:09,850
I'll never forgive you.

434
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:13,850
He's probably wandering around somewhere
unprotected, unwanted.

435
00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:18,360
This is probably the most lonely,
miserable experience of his life.

436
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:21,310
And you just sit there, enjoying
yourself.

437
00:22:21,870 --> 00:22:25,570
I am not enjoying myself. I'm just as
worried as you are.

438
00:22:25,950 --> 00:22:27,430
Are you? Yes, darling.

439
00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:29,410
Well, what shall we do?

440
00:22:30,010 --> 00:22:31,060
Let's go to bed.

441
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,080
I can't go to bed. How could you sleep?

442
00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:37,820
Who said anything about sleep?

443
00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:42,660
Me! No, no, I don't mean that. I mean,
why don't we just go to bed and worry?

444
00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:44,460
I'd rather worry down here.

445
00:22:44,461 --> 00:22:47,619
No, no, darling, will you do me a
favour? Please relax. I'm telling you,

446
00:22:47,620 --> 00:22:49,850
come back. I'll make you a nice cup of
tea, eh?

447
00:22:49,851 --> 00:22:53,999
Are you sure he'll be all right? Of
course he'll be all right. I promise

448
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,050
he'll come back.

449
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:58,240
And when he does, I'll kill him.

450
00:23:13,031 --> 00:23:19,079
What's the matter with you two? You look
as if you've been up all night.

451
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,880
I thought you'd gone fishing, Daddy.

452
00:23:20,881 --> 00:23:22,759
Poor Daddy.

453
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,139
Never mind. Grandad goes home tonight,
doesn't he?

454
00:23:25,140 --> 00:23:26,520
I've got bad news for you two.

455
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,290
Grandad's gone.

456
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,460
Gone? Oh, Mummy.

457
00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:31,900
Your father's fault.

458
00:23:33,340 --> 00:23:35,440
I was only trying to make him talk.

459
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,710
Well, Dad, what did you do to him? I
didn't do anything.

460
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,930
One minute he was sitting here, the next
minute he vanished.

461
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,250
Oh.

462
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,790
When you said gone, I thought you meant
gone.

463
00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:48,150
Thank you very much.

464
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:50,700
Do you think I am Sid the Ripper?

465
00:23:51,780 --> 00:23:54,060
I can't believe it. I mean, where would
he go?

466
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,760
Goodness knows where he'd go.

467
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,990
You don't know what it's like to feel
unwanted and unloved and unhappy.

468
00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:01,950
I do.

469
00:24:01,951 --> 00:24:06,259
But he wasn't unhappy when we took him
to the pictures, was he?

470
00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:07,740
You took him to the pictures?

471
00:24:07,741 --> 00:24:09,139
Why didn't you tell us?

472
00:24:09,140 --> 00:24:11,759
We weren't here, were you? Anyway, Sally
left your note.

473
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:12,759
I forgot.

474
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,679
Oh, God.

475
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,059
Isn't that typical she forgot?

476
00:24:15,060 --> 00:24:17,739
There's one thing these two are very
good at, it's forgetting.

477
00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:18,800
I can just see it.

478
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,919
That poor little old man sitting in that
great empty cinema up in the circle

479
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,120
with his drink on a stick.

480
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,990
I was wrong. He's in my green house with
a drink on a bottle.

481
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:30,100
It's really all right.

482
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,540
What about my green house?

483
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,860
Bring him in.

484
00:24:34,220 --> 00:24:37,720
Bring him in. Do you want to see your
green house?

485
00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:40,390
I'll have that.

486
00:24:40,420 --> 00:24:42,650
No, you won't. I'll have that. I feel
smashing.

487
00:24:43,390 --> 00:24:45,980
Now, listen to me, mighty mouse. Now,
calm down a bit.

488
00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:49,700
I don't really mind. You can go fishing
if you want to.

489
00:24:49,870 --> 00:24:54,549
Fishing? Oh, yeah. Not you, matey. I've
always wanted to go fishing. I've always

490
00:24:54,550 --> 00:24:58,189
wanted to go fishing. Yeah, all right,
why not? We'll cut him up and use him

491
00:24:58,190 --> 00:24:59,240
bait.

492
00:25:00,030 --> 00:25:01,210
Sit down, sit down.

493
00:25:02,330 --> 00:25:03,450
Go on, put it there.

494
00:25:06,290 --> 00:25:07,340
Right.

495
00:25:08,030 --> 00:25:11,790
You two see that he eats it, you put him
to bed, and you...

496
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,540
Get the fishing tackle.

497
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:17,620
Thanks. Get it.

498
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